3...2...1...
Friday, January 29, 2010 / 09:05 p.m.

TAKEOFF!!!
najin.ca

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on modesty.
Friday, January 22, 2010 / 02:02 a.m.

I think genuine modesty has more practical value than people realise. Say you recieve praise for something you have a knack for. Most of us have heard it before--"hey you're pretty good at that!", "hey, where'd you learn to do that so well?".
Obviously, the more praise recieved, the bigger tendency there is for people's egos to inflate. However, I started thinking about what exactly makes egos inflate and what impact this has on real progression.

In order for your ego to expand, you have to first acknowledge and agree with the praise you're recieving. "Yes--as a matter of fact, I am pretty damn good, aren't I?".
These kind of thoughts alone are dangerous. While you bask in compliments, you're filled with thoughts of superiority. There won't be any attempts to develop skills when you're in complete agreeance with all the compliments you get.

In my eyes, it's ignorant to fully accept compliments with "damn, I'm good" thoughts. Of course, recieve them graciously ("thank you")--but know that people usually compliment based on very limited knowledge. If they TRULY understood the scope of superior talent out there in the world--trust me, they might not consider you so special. After all, there's a reason why it's more rewarding to recieve a compliment from an expert (related to the matter) rather than from random onlookers.

A humble perspective might take compliments in this way: "My talents are poor compared to (insert expert here). How can I develop my skills so I might actually deserve this praise?". Someone who is humble will acknowledge the actual degree of skill out in the world--then maybe be inspired enough to pursue that.

Wasted Talent. The way I see it, natural talent is a healthy foundation to refine talent, but that's all. If two people were to pursue the same things: a hard-working gifted person versus a hard-working average person--obviously, the talented individual would excel further, and faster. On the flipside, a well practised person who doesn't have "raw, natural" talent can exceed the talent of a lazy person who does have "natural" talent.

I'm sure you've seen "washed up" folks, and I constantly see them too. You know, those "high school all stars" who were praised for whatever their natural talents were and are still fixated on that past. Although these are only theories, I think these people were praised for their natural gifts in the past, but never bothered to develop them because they were too busy beaming with pride. It makes me truly sad to see natural talent go in the dumpster due to conceit and laziness.

Can you imagine what the world might be like if people just recognized their potential, kept humble, and progressed?
Wow.

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Guy.
Friday, January 22, 2010 / 12:47 a.m.

You remember that show "Kids Say the Darnest Things?". It was a talk show where they started "normal" conversations with random bright-eyed children--and ultimately, entertained the audience by the kids' retarded answers?
They should have an Immigrant Parents version.

First off, I'm sure you're aware that moms love identifying people who they think are most 'suitable' for you. Instead of being subtle, they usually are shamelessly overenthusiastic--especially when they see you two in close proximity.

So...
my mom was standing in one of those conversational circles with (let's call him 'Guy') and myself. Somehow, my mom is convinced that me and Guy are destined for each other. Anyhow, despite her broken Konglish (Korean-English), we were all pursuing the usual smalltalk...What are you studying now? How is your family?...and finally, we were about to say goodbye.
My dear, sweet, enthusiastic mom...instead of saying, "Goodbye Guy, please keep in touch with my daughter!" exclaimed, "Goodbye Guy, please keep on touching my daughter!"

...................

It was one of those moments where you look back, and pull your hair at all the appropriate things you COULD'VE and SHOULD'VE done, but didn't.
I could've:
a) said, "o ho ho mum! It's 'keep IN TOUCH', o ho ho-how silly of you"
b) said, "apologies for my mom's little error. she MEANT to say, "keep in touch".
c)....said anything. At all. Seriously.
Yes. In reality, I stood there like a buffoon...not knowing whether to burst out in laughter or bury my head in shame.

Oh mother.

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gripping death.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010 /

I don't think there's any sort of zen exercise you can use to prepare yourself for the passing of a loved one--especially regarding a death as abrupt as my beloved grandmother's. Although she experienced what most people would consider an 'ideal' passing (she passed in her bed at the honorable age of 91)--it caused as harsh an impact on my family as any tragic accident would've.

There's something so disturbing about an unexpected death. There's no chance for 'last words', farewell speeches or final requests. I mean, if someone suffers a terminal illness, there seems to be an allowance for mental and emotional preparation. But for someone who is seemingly healthy one day and literally gone the next--how are you supposed to deal with this? It's as tragic as finding out someone you love has been in a fatal car crash on their way home from work; there was no way to anticipate it.

(On second thought, I know it's not nearly so simple. Certainly, terminal conditions also entail the hardships and complexities of physical suffering, which are also heavy burdens to a caretaking family. Our family did not endure matters of this nature so I shouldn't even pretend to understand them.)

What have I learned?
The unexpected death of a loved one is shocking and can be incapacitating. While an "expected" death due to chronic illness might cause a different sense of grief- -all I know is that both scenarios lead to the same outcome and neither of them are easy to handle.

I have to confess that this has been especially pivotal for me since I've never endured the death of a loved one before. Call me morbid, but I previously had thoughts about such misfortune. Since it was so foreign to me, I secretly wondered what it might be like if someone close to me was suddenly gone--how would I feel? How would I cope? I even wondered what kind of impact my death might have on others--if at all? Naively, I thought empathizing with stories and movies involving heart-wrenching deaths would give me some insight. But I have to say that there was NO way to predict or prepare for the the degree of grief this experience has caused. I can't put into words or illustrate how deep this experience has affected me and my family.

Contrary to usual, I really don't have a constructive conclusion to these thoughts--nor do I want to bother trying in fear of analysing events that are just too raw to be handled objectively right now. Now I understand why people cop out and tell you that "time will heal all"--because there really is nothing that can be done to soften or "speed up" mourning for someone you love.

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*ahem*.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010 / 01:20 a.m.

now this is slightly embarrassing...
I posted up some tangible and achievable goals (below) and at this rate, I won't be living up to them.

There have been some significant events in my life that have sucked me of time and motivation. I know it doesn't matter much to you, but I am usually very stubborn to achieve what I say I will.

ah well, I'm only human.


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splash forward.
Saturday, December 5, 2009 / 11:22 p.m.

I now have the motivation and patience to start producing some really special artwork.

My goal to usher in the new year is to produce 3 quality paintings until my return to Brisbane--one for every month (December, January, February). Hopefully these three paintings will also fortify my portfolio so I can confidently put my first foot forward--as a freelance artist.

I'm completely humbled by all the amaaazing talent I've discovered. It's very easy for me to feel insufficient after viewing other peoples' beautiful and established portfolios. But I'm starting to think that "success" as an artist also involves getting yourself out there, as much as it is about developing skills and technique. So although building my skills will be a continual process, I'm going to start "marketing" myself better (for lack of better words).

Wish me luck!

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apologies of a narcissist.
Friday, November 27, 2009 / 04:26 p.m.

The other day, I received a painfully sour message directed at my blog (you can check it out in my guestbook if you fancy. If you do, prepare for a full on Najin bash, owww!). Basically, he remarked on how self-centered and trivial my entries are, and how void of insight he finds them.

Of course, I was taken aback. Admittedly, I tend to use this blog impulsively, sometimes as a personal vent. However, I generally try and infuse some degree of perspective into my entries. I’d like to think that I’m sensitive and thoughtful to my surroundings, but I guess that’s subjective. By someone else’s standards, perhaps I am not insightful at all--which is a pretty humbling thought.

On certain days, I know I’m more narcissistic than others—obviously yielding some pretty mundane, self-centered entries. But despite what you may think, I do care about my audience and what they think/feel when they read what I write.

So I’m sorry if I perturb anyone with my ‘self-centeredness’. But please understand that these are my personal thoughts and experiences that I’m choosing to share with you. They may not be important to you (and if that’s the case—then feel free to click as far away as possible!). However, these experiences and thoughts are important to me, especially since I know that people out there have experienced similar things and are able to add to (or even alter) my perspective on them. The purpose of this blog is to connect to those people and symbiotically share ideas with them.

Anyway, what better opportunity could there have been for an archive, right? That hideously long page of entries was dying for refreshment anyway.

: ) - Najin

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